I have sexual assault on my life docket, and no one knows how to say BOO to me. What is established as existing code is silence. Jesus is mentioned forever, butt unless you have a STRONG connection with the male minister, good luck. I slept with one. (*Gate Paul.) Nada zipped.

Men whom I interviewed for my beer book who talked A LOT about Jesus?

They are distancing themselves. It’s too thorny briar patch and I don’t have money to hire them. I’m not surprised it’s going this way. It probably just needs more time. It could be nudged along with more compassion if I was there, on a sidewalk, drinking water OR wine. If I was there…

Somewhere they could bump into me.

Where men I know have bumped into me.

Did a local minister man or Jesus Boy bump into me? on Backpage twenty years ago? Online as {#emodead} Amelia Energy of the sensual massage? aka Absurdist Handjobs? Offering my 30-or-60-minute sensual service all in their erotic zone? Out of my Decatur Midway Woods home? With my cropped face next to bare breasts a’blazing? Next day SAME ZIPCODE asking them at a wooden pub barrel about their malty pint and favorite hops?

Gate Paul

memoirIZATION for all ministers, all mystical leading men, all religious men of the cloth or bead, excluding Catholics

dirty mj

men linked 2 me ~ believe me, they are sweating it. Sweating like a Commanda R in church on Sunday! okay. U danced with sweaty OLD MJ.

IT’S OK.

wait…where am I?

oh. inside the library. it’s raining out. I don’t have an umbrella. i don’t have a job. i don’t have a ride. sigh.

That’s a woman who needs you. A child. Stuck somewhere. I am not UP here for me alone ~ legions of women need my STEP UP and simultaneous step DOWN in society ~ that’s how I serve. Like this wandering thought path…

Do not fear your fear of the wild, karma ditch eating spider sphinx for I am easy to laugh at my own blunders NOW. Wasn’t always that way. Because we have TOO few strong pathways OUT of shame outside of religious settings. And NO I am NOT AGAINST your religious settings unless you are hiding men who abuse and pretend it isn’t that way.

There’s an uncollared craft beer priest who abused me. Meaning a bartender. And despite our STORIED past and my STORIED SEX AND WORK HISTORY, there are three words composing a phrase that must be sacrosanct inside every man’s inner beer chapel of the heart or woe to your daughters and nieces lest you let this creeda slip away — NO MEANS NO.

(every time.)

Future Built on Cleansed Past

Please don’t go NUTS with A) wondering if I realized I just used an “uncool” word B) now wondering why I did that C) wondering if I’m secretly still super Catholic (no-hell-to-the-NO) D) wondering if I mean anything fucked up

The Jesus boys are flabbergasted that I’ve called out the beer priest for his UNCOOL ungentlemanly behavior that I’m asking them to build peace within war.

What else is Jesus for?

I’m dancing within their hearts on a line of defenselessness. I fucked up. I forgave myself. I dropped that into FAWK. (visceral forgiveness) and now my DIRTY LINKS SHOWN…

~ ~ ~ let’s dance it out NUDY

I’m dancing out NEVER against any man, only to correct the aggression mind. What wasn’t handled in three years of behind scenes petitioning is now roughly hanging out here on a blog until some Jesus man steps up to help out, OAR??? help the amends become built & relationships repaired.

Or else unlinking from my dirty past and wild NOW and the General Ma’am’s future ~ WARNS: achieve a past a strangely hardon’d and lousy useless guilt tonight. Contact me, let’s peace friend cleanse.

THAT’S the true unlinking you want.