I survived my Commanda R psyche in order to give these big words. Ladies, let’s have it out! I was dumped on the spot more than thrice by a gal (twice for being a bisexual), coming out last post to share twas with a lady lover when the UGH of domestic violence walked through my walls. Tough tittie? More like gritty siddhi. I had to give this UGH a myth walk. And you’ve already heard it. HERE:
Commanda R
–Pussy General light bridge over psyche shadow of rape, war, and whore
to walk humiliation out ~ I attempted to AVOID war of the sexes (men), yeah, I attempted to AVOID men by dating women. It did not take (women). I did NOT avoid men. I posted my bare breasts on the Internet advertising TO men to come to my home to meet my mortgage! While dating women!
I won’t be memoirIZING women’s extreme pain regarding Commanda R except to INFORM you so many women-for-women I knew, dated, or stood with in the lesbian bar have a Commanda R instance of sexual aggression on their life docket. And – I am grateful to know many women-for-women who served in the military training for war.
What about the sling word for women that rhymes with war, door, oar, floor, more, score? (yeah it’s posted in blog-print above) THAT TOO is on my life docket due to fawked up ladies issues. Cue the grunge flannel…
Personal and Pro
I became a Backpage girl in strange thanks to dating women. While the emotional cord with men was never cut inside me, everything else was. My emotional romantic inclinations passionately flowed to the ladies for eight years! (plus more!) I had zero desire to date men during this time.
That zero desire created a field of energy around me, sourcing my strange ability to serve the male hardon (strange meaning fundamentally changing my life). I consider this PROFESSIONAL Commanda R aka the oldest pro work, the oldest pro time, the oldest pro door, the oldest pro dime aka serving male hardons for money to meet the mortgage.
Yeah! Sling word for oldest pro women rhyming with floor, door, war, score! I OWN it. I own that my oldest pro world experience came from strange power while dating women! INFORM you I must…this ability is not a surprise to many women-for-women. I heard it from a gal in Piedmont Park. I’ve heard it said several different ways all to the effect of I don’t date men so I don’t take them seriously regarding THEIR Commanda R oldest pro work.
Why do I consider this humiliation for me?
commanda r personal
BECAUSE I was horsing around with my peace friend in his pub during all my wish-I-had-been lesbian years! In restaurant speak, this fooling around has a name: she shat in her own sink. Fooling around with a coworker! More advice warning than name as in — don’t shit in your own sink.
Epic is not for eating corn chips (today’s standards according to commercials) — epic is for dangerous quests. My EPIC UGH is that my fooling around with peace friend is what I consider PERSONAL Commanda R aka sling word for sexual women! Once I began dating the ladies, I never once asked WHY I was letting this male UGH-iness continue to carry on!
UUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!
If I had any guts back then, I would have opened up to ANY lady with whom I was genuine friends (a ton of them back then) and cried about being dumped over this “lousy” attached CORD to men. SOME great lady friend would have then sat me down in the peacock hut to deliver frank, timeless wisdom a la when you meet the right woman, she will accept you for this. So fuck that girl.
I would have sniffled and hugged it out. Maybe found my way to therapy. Or maybe (the humiliation of my life I only woke FULLY into thanks to this blog) I would have settled down, gotten married, and had a two-moms family with a baby and some housecats. My wife wearing the pants, me the flannel!
INSTEAD…turning my life upside down until I’m blogging out the sunburn of my scorched peaches. Now is the time for a new way of my beingness~
Flipping the Guilt
I took two major steps this week in sealing the guilt that’s gripped me since birth ~ left a social platform, dumped my resentment >>> not over girlfriend angst. No! Strange resentment of women’s fear over what I’m becoming: A Birthed Inner Ear of Listening.
Life is so strange. Its suffering. Siddhic listening into my body of memories revealed my suffering. That began happening in 2020. And now I’m here, aware violence needs our listening power. Aware women rising to say YO! to violence is correct. Aware there is a great deal of discord in how that YO is yelled. What a cruel joke. THE PATTERN does what it does.
What am I going to do?
I’m going to begin a story and finish it next year. I need more time on the field to process LEAVING OF guilt with BIG women. Here’s my HOOK with them.
Once upon a suffer, a girl named Mary Jane left her mother. One day, five years after mother’s death, daughter dear had listened to nothing. Butt she sure looked good prancing onstage! Boutique boots, Buckhead makeup, this daughter growled her Pussy General warning to a sold out crowd while speaking to her Commanda B in Hillary Clinton drag ~ you can’t handle the heels. Soonish after, daughter became recruited into the BIG BIG women’s space of TELL YOUR STORY and SISTER WON’T YOU HELP ME, SISTER WON’T YOU RISE. She helped women rise, butt forgot what had happened to her was Commanda R which created a great big fall in those boutique “heels” …then? When she remembered a decade later what had happened butt none of the women knew what to say…about daughter’s scorched peaches.
(so embarrassing, why are you even saying it outloud???)
Fear of deep, profound change is what I dump with every post I give on so-called embarrassment. Men need my emotion to change into sexual peace. I’m healthy enough to receive them (men and my emotions) and so I am.
Sexual peace is NOT war against women. It is a flip. It is a masterful flip. It is flipping out of Guilt – THE state keeping violence IN. It is leaving all you know.
I have left all I know ~ may I forgive all I did. By sealing the guilt of leaving my sisters. Who aren’t yet ready to leave all they know.
On a strange relief upside? I anticipate PROTECTED community for women around my NUDY someday. Someday when the right lady shows up to do it with me ~ when discern of lady discord BOOM! wakes up in her and she comes to understand the general following…
Wow, I know the beast of Commanda R too…and this lady with her FAWKING ART BLOG, well, it was bothering me…and then I heard inside what I needed to hear…this war of the sexes isn’t going anywhere. I can be a pawn like always, or I can revoke the guilt and LEAVE. Build with my brothers. Build a gracious Commanda R caring tent for women who can’t yet let go of utter insanity my brothers have put on them. Build it OVER THERE with a ton of polite space away from men until she can stand her own skin. Trusting this sexual peace general in Mary Jane is working with men in her Footie amends field, walking NUDY as the bridge…
I can’t hold a gun butt I can hold my NUDY breasts and serve in my own way.
and let’s never forget ~ no means no every time
(((A)))
