Twenty years ago, I served strange men’s phalluses. Twenty-nine years ago, I served my neighbors craft beer pints. Seventeen years ago, I published my local book on those same neighbors who told me their stories about their conversations that happened over those craft beer pints.

No one I spoke with mentioned the craft hand jobs.

This all happened in the same zip code.

{Warn: heavy code on this post is my Grace self-survival mood ’til I am out of the weeds calling IN my old pal}

Now that raw survival is over…OMJ…old MJ is back with a doozie. Another round, please, waitress! UGH is this the dish that I ordered? Apparently so. Read on and watch a couple of nonlinear videos for what became SOFT OPENING of my ….

Tuesday Grace Pals

Would you like a menu? How about UNIVERSAL LOVE as sole food and bare NUDY strange humanAquarian affection? Love of humanity had me comp your bill for sake of a gaggle of trapped adult males I spontaneously cut off drinking. (Dirty tap water, boys) Cut them off so I could mystery inform: we have quit slapping the cheese and moved our table to Tuesday Grace Pals. I’ll sit on the end.

All memoirIZED code here as THIS ONE GOES OUT TO THE ONE I LOVE FIRE cry reach out 4 all AS ONE. Unity and bust! Because my wait section is peace friend. Those strange Aquarius and their creative floor planks…

Ahhh, just a bib perhaps? Because my love vulnerable GOING FULLY THRU WITH IT AS OF NOW is pouring out. No bill here, I comped the soft opening hoping you catch the grace and not my social dirty flue air. (That’s February.) Here’s my silverware setup:

• I’m 54, a real Mary Jane, went by MJ because that’s what they call you in a restaurant (14 times over including catering), I’m educated, and my family’s generational Irish Catholic WHAAAA-BANG put a doozie on me
• 86-ing old MJ at risk of your IRE for sake of future daughters, U R a good risk worth taking
• First GA parlor hiring manager: WOODER
• Grandpop? BARTENDER
• Mom & I’s breakup: STALKER
• Pattern repeated NOT heeded: COMMANDA R (big sur, brace!)
• My SURRENDER today (Grace!): GAWKER
• Wow is OLD MJ gawkward — 18 yr assault story pushing UP right here, right now; 3 consecutive years as a “Backpage” girl giving absurdist handjobs (that’s MY grace word); researched & wrote a top selling Amazon book on our local pub WHILE a Backpage girl; horsing around with said pub owner of said local pub book and of NOT HE SAID SHE SAID NOPE HE DID “Commanda R”; all of this long paragraph a SECRET until now; FAWK U I WON’T DO WHAT U TOLD ME
• didn’t follow? that’s Commanda R personal AND pro (blog subscribe for my nonlinear bralessness notes to catch the falling grace story)
• um, how about some linear dessert?
• Grew up in Philly, moved to Athens, GA out of college, UGA masters earned then moved an hour and fifteen down the road on the Atlanta Highway into Decatur proper for the love of all things “North Campus” and the anti-Steely Dan committee which is a GENEROUS WAY of stating the (now very dark) following…

Commanda R

mythic memoirIZATION for rape, war, and sling word for women rhyming with war, door, score and Brick Store OAR

A dark, very dark thing happened between me and my peace friend, the bartender, one fateful night. War of the Sexes says GET OVER IT. Until it happens to your lover or daughter. THEN you want the help. That’s not good enough. NO means NO every time.

My soft opening today is double grat open season on me as the sexual butt of the joke. Here’s the karmic punchline: wait ’til you try MJ’s scorched peaches over her barrel of ice cream!

I have more than 300 men over a barrel if I spill the ugly sexual truth ABOUT THEM. there’s a song lyric from the band I love that goes I CHOOSE NOT TO. I could hold the lot of you down…instead, I LIKE YOU A LOT! Enough to risk my NUDY ass again and again to birth the new. Wild. birth.

(hope you’re listening, Athens)

This is not threat; this is consequence. Read this blog to know my know of how thin a line I walk with men v. women. What I am asking from this man. What I am asking TO CHANGE both usual and unique.

Or else nothing changes. I won’t live like that. This is the grace post. Fierce follows.

I want to build sexual peace? I cannot go to war. Butt peace is NOT absence of conflict. Nay. Tis emotional diplomacy and delight in the soft touch receiving my rough feelings around all my tough. Tough living has consequences

if you think I’m “planning” things out in Scorched Peaches, NOPE. I’m dropping this blogged difficult fruit stand like mythic waitress in the sky. NOPE, not a la The Replacements! more like I DROPPED THIS SUBJECT 18 YRS AGO, BECAUSE war of the sexes >>> for as long as history remembers it!

remember where u came from and repair!

Grace Emergencies

A few nonlinear videos and then you can mop the front with me in my 1994 bra, late nite southern sweat over it. Things went sideways today. Planned for WEEKS today as the day and then RAIN then LATE TRAIN then CANCELED CAN’T RESCHEDULE APPT and NO SLEEP afraid I MIGHT FAINT. Waitress of Boi became soft opening ON the spot ~ now open, Grace filled my spirit. THUS WE BEGIN AS GRACE where these boys I loved (in friendship) and lost (mythic tragedy) now have this gifted OPENING as the strengthened softness of my weak tender heart…the whole I LOVE YOU A LOT lot of them MAGNAPOP TOTALLY POPPED Grace Emergencies as 2 videos made ON THE RUN in my strange run through of FAWKING NEW YORK.

Do NOT take that to mean, women assaulted like me of all time Georgia, that you EVER NEED follow my example. I am dancing in the new. New boldness uses ALL resources available. U R Warned soft & fierce DO NOT PRESUME to follow this myth in a close manner. You WILL get burned. SKINBURNS. And these boys might never come around. Not playing around, nay — tis mythic delight of the open heart calling all the willing home out of the violence.

Remember that.

ABOVE my “keep myself awake” dance in Philly. BELOW my “I caught grace at the Hudson River” return trip spontaneous catching on to what’s bothering me in thoughts I could momentarily hold…life coaching wholly unaccepted here WE DO NOT ACCEPT SOLICITATIONS. go talk 2 Ur neighbor.